When did you begin your journey of self-discovery? And where are you now?

When did you begin your journey of self-discovery? And where are you now? I feel like it's a really silly question. Because it was from the very first moment I took a breath. And if I don't remember, it was probably before that. But I guess self is in this body. So my very first breath that I took, I was in the game or the journey of self-discovery. Being conscious of it. I feel like... I couldn't recollect the exact moment, but... Wow. For some reason, the memory that's popping up... I must have been... three, no... four years old? Three or four years old? It was at a place called Happy Days. It was a preschool that my parents took me to. I remember exactly where it was. And I remember I was running, because my style was like this, my hands were the open and stuff. And I was the fastest. I was like the pure, that was a belief. No, no, that was the truth. Right? So I'm running around the playground. Anytime we'd race, nobody could beat me. And so in that moment, it felt like there was a level of self-discovery consciously. It was like watching my mind turn. And what I said to myself, which is like, I am the fastest, it's truth. Yeah. And, and how I would run. So already I was like, conscious of me discovering about myself. I was just like, not just that I believe that, but I was also witnessing myself saying that within myself. Yeah. Um, where, where am I now? Yeah. Such a broad question. Um. I still, I feel like I'm still tinkering with the power of thought. And then I live into thought that I become my thoughts and combing through which thoughts do I want to allow in, in a, in a world that I carry a phone since the 1990s everywhere with me. And so it, there's always a level of noise. Versus when I was a kid, there was little. It was like, quick was around me. Yeah. And even by myself. I remember having conversations when I was by myself. For some reason, the first thing that pops up is like, when I'm in trouble, I have to go sit down by myself. And then I'm not allowed to move for however long. For a kid, it's eternity. But also, I remember just playing it in my mind. So where am I now? tinkering with that and yeah, even in this period of really taking charge on another level of like really owning my word, not just externally, but internally. And then seeing where that takes me. Right. I'm in awe all the time. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, man. Oh, man. I like the way you drink. Wait, and I want to know. Someone beat you? I'm sorry? In running? Someone beat me? Yeah. Bro, the first time I got beat? Still a memory, bro. And I'm, I'm like, I'm, I have, what's the word? Like, I feel for the little me. that little child that got beat that day, because he did something that surprised me. He faked an injury. Oh, whoa. Yeah, bro. Oh, I even remember her name, it just came to me. I'm off, bro. Yeah. You know my style. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm gone. Can't even see anybody in my periphery. And then all of a sudden, because we have the fence, it's like one of those wire fences, and all's gonna go, and I'll push against it. And as I was coming up to the fence, suddenly there was somebody in my periphery, their foot touched first. And off they went, and then off that I went, and then all of a sudden it's like, she is in front of me. And she kept her pace and I couldn't catch up. And then all of a sudden there's like this little dip in the sand, you know, it's like that. It's like, it's not level at that place. I didn't fall, bro, I just went like, and then I kept on going. And then that was the moment where it was like, my mind's like, you can check out right now. And I was like, oh man. Suddenly I was like pretending that injury because of that little dip. And then because that was the instant thing that I did, it wasn't premeditated. Yeah. Then it's like I had two choices from that moment. Because it was almost unconscious, right? Yeah. It's like, okay, Mark, you either run with this. Or? Or you just like, fuck the bullshit and just be like, I'm fine and I lost. Bro, no. You go in pride at the age of like, must have been six or seven years old. Just like, nah, we're gonna play this injury. Professional That was the first time I got beat and the last time in a long time High school is the next time Wow bro that's funny I haven't bit into that memory in a long time Sandy Sandy is the name? I wonder what Sandy is doing these days At the same time I was like I had a lot of love for her Before the race and even after the race, it's just like, wow, you really are badass. Yeah. Yeah. But the little boy was like, yeah, he's bird. Yeah. You got beat. Yeah. Oh girl. You can't take that home to the homies. What happened to the nothing? I got to get it. Oh, that's dope. And how was it to keep the injury the whole day? Out of the riverbed. No? I think it's really easy for a child, because now I think about my son of this life. When he goes through shame, how does he behave? And very similar to me, kind of just like, just check out, like check out of the truth. Even though you could still see it lingering, just like, nah, I'm not ready for that. His emotion's too strong. emotion of pride and shame. It's a concoction. A little bit of this, a little bit of that. Like the mad scientist. That's good. Wow.

Marc 22.5.26